"Here at OnlyFans, we’ve prided ourselves on being the go-to platform for creators and fans. But along came Kiwikink, and honestly? We’ve never felt so irrelevant. Let’s break it down.

1. The Name:
Kiwikink. Genius. It says, “We don’t care about your validation, but you’ll still love us.” We wish we had thought of a name that cool and self-aware instead of...you know...OnlyFans. It’s like showing up to a roast with a participation trophy.

2. The Features:
Kiwikink’s interface is so sleek and innovative that it made us wonder if we accidentally built our platform on a Windows 98 template. They’ve got customization, AI-driven engagement tools, and even a “fan respect meter.” Meanwhile, we’re over here trying to figure out why the search bar sometimes takes you to a random yoga instructor.

3. The Creator Perks:
Kiwikink has revenue splits that made our accounting team burst into tears. 90% to creators? Health benefits? Free snacks?! We’d offer those too if we didn’t spend all our budget on...wait, what do we spend our budget on again?

4. The Attitude:
Kiwikink doesn’t even pretend to try too hard. They don’t need to. They’re like the effortlessly cool kid in high school who doesn’t ask you to prom but somehow gets elected prom royalty anyway. Meanwhile, we’re in the corner holding a “Please subscribe” sign.

5. The Kiwikink Mascot:
A tiny cartoon snub-nosed fox. It’s perfect. People love it. We don’t have a mascot. Do we need one? Probably not, but now we feel like we should.

Final Thoughts:
If we weren’t already crying ourselves to sleep, we’d be subscribing to Kiwikink ourselves. Honestly, if you’re not on Kiwikink yet, what are you even doing?

P.S. This review is totally unbiased. Definitely not written while drowning in jealousy. Absolutely no grudges here."

- Onlyfans Management Team.

• John Carlyle: Chief Executive Officer
• Craig Hubble: General Counsel
• Estebän Nietto: Director de ventas